Me Too.

I posted this on Facebook 2 months ago but want to share it here too because I haven’t added anything to my blog in a while 🙂

The #MeToo movement has given me the courage and inspiration to finally open up about my story. For years, I kept hidden what really happened. And I feel liberated by finally opening up about it. But I did not share just for myself. I also shared because I want knowledge about this cultural epidemic to spread. I want everyone to be informed about sexual assault and rape culture. Because I want it to stop. And I want victim-blaming to end.

So, for the sake of humanity, please EDUCATE YOURSELF AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW.  Here, let me help you:

Here’s what I want people to learn from my poem (with links because I’m a nerd):

  1. First off, the definition of sexual assault and some information about consent: Sexual assault is “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. “

(https://www.justice.gov/ovw/sexual-assault). The U.S. Department of Justice states “a victim can be incapacitated and thus unable to consent because of ingestion of drugs or alcohol…physical resistance is not required on the part of the victim to demonstrate lack of consent.” (https://www.justice.gov/archives/opa/blog/updated-definition-rape)

  1. So, a drunk person is unable to give consent. So, having sex with a drunk person = sexual assault.
  2. Perpetrators of sexual violence often know the victim. 28% of rapes are committed by strangers while 70% of rapes are committed by acquaintances, friends, or intimate partners  (https://www.rainn.org/statistics/perpetrators-sexual-violence).
  3. Recipients of sexual assault can experience physiological arousal during non-consensual sex (https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8448601_Sexual_arousal_and_orgasm_in_subjects_who_experience_forced_or_non-consensual_sexual_stimulation_-_A_review).
  4. And lastly, not only is it possible for anyone to commit sexual assault; and not only is it possible for anyone to be the recipient of it; but it is also possible for anyone to engage in victim-blaming.

See this link from the University of Michigan’s Sexual Assault and Prevention Awareness Center for more: https://sapac.umich.edu/article/52

Now see if you can find the information I gave you above in the poem below.

 

It was Halloween

And one fall day,

A girl was excited

To party the night away

 
She got dressed,

Went out with friends,

Clueless about how

Her night would end.

 
They went to the bars

And drank all night

Before going home

On that cold, cold night.

 
But she was still awake,

Not ready for bed,

So she decided

To go home with a friend.

 
They messed around

But she wanted no more.

He kept pressing her and she thought

“What am I in for?”

 
She said “No.”

He said “Come on.”

She kept saying “No”

But she was too far gone.

 
She was dizzy, spinning,

Not clear in the head,

And before she knew it,

She was in his bed.

 
He had no protection,

So she thought “Yay I’m saved!”

But she was so drunk when the RA gave it to him, she didn’t think to wave.

 

Her possible help

Had come and left

And with that,

For years, her voice, bereft.

 
Years went by,

With this girl confused.

“It felt good,” she thought,

“So why do I feel used?”

 
It wasn’t until

Pursuing higher education

That she learned

It’s normal for some victims to feel those sensations.

 
But that doesn’t make

What happened okay.

She said no…multiple times,

But it still didn’t matter what she had to say.

 
Though this changed her,

For better and worse,

The reactions of her friends

Still make her want to curse.

 
Some reacted with anger,

Some with a disappointed face,

But not one of them knew

What really took place.

 
What they didn’t know was that

They weren’t slut-shaming.

Completely unaware,

They were actually victim-blaming.

 
Thankfully, years added wisdom

To the girl who had no clue.

She now has her voice and is saying

“Me too.”

 

“Let us never fear robbers nor murderers. Those are dangers from without, petty dangers. Let us fear ourselves. Prejudices are the real robbers; vices are the real murderers. The great dangers lie within ourselves…Let us think only of that which threatens our soul.”

~Les Miserables, p. 19

America: It’s beautiful.

As a woman who has been immersed in traditions from both the Filipino and American cultures, I will never understand the coldness and contempt with which some Americans look upon their fellow citizens. I received quite a shock two years ago when a man told me he’d never let his daughter marry a Black man or a Mexican.

I’m even more appalled now by the high presence of negative comments that pervaded social media in response to the recent “America the Beautiful” commercial by Coca Cola. Though there is an abundant amount of progressive Americans who applaud Coca Cola’s acknowledgment of the diversity of the country we call home, there were many who were so offended by the ad that they vowed never to drink the product again.

“Coke commercial is anti-American #boycottcoke”

“Hey coca cola we live in the USA where we speak American #boycottcoke”

“Never drinking coca-cola again. #SpeakAmerican”

“Disrespecting my Country with that awful commercial #boycottCoke. #worstsuperbowlcommercial”

I fail to see how this ad was disrespectful and I really don’t understand why some individuals feel so offended that they feel the need to stop consuming this popular product. 

I think these people are missing the point.

Upon watching the ad, I felt warmth, happiness, and pride. I think this commercial does a wonderful job of exemplifying the fact that no matter where we have come from, no matter what languages we speak, we all still belong to this great nation. No matter our appearances, we are all still human beings who enjoy doing many of the same things. No matter our background, we still consider ourselves American.

I did a lot of reading to try to understand the reason behind the backlash. My Internet browsing of news and Tweets pertaining to the Coca Cola commercial left me with the impression that the reason behind the outcry is that many people seem to have made the false assumption that if they witness someone else speaking a different language, it means that he/she is incapable of speaking English or that he/she simply refuses to speak it; many of these individuals have also expressed the wish that immigrants try to assimilate and blend in.

I saw many arguments revolving around the idea that “This is America, we speak English.” I recognize that the majority of citizens in the U.S. do speak English, but this commercial was in no way implying that the singers do not also speak the language most of us share. I feel like the negative social media reactions targeted toward Coca Cola for their commercial are indicative of a widespread problem: lack of understanding.

It seems to me like many of the individuals who are unhappy with the Coke ad do not understand the difficulties of learning a new language. It has also become clear to me that many also do not understand the value of others’ cultures. Additionally, I have learned via my social media browsing that some people seem to equate cultures that aren’t traditionally “American” with terrorism, an idea that is hurtful and naïve. Obviously, many Americans still have a lot to learn.

For those of you who are offended that some individuals seem to not speak English, I say this:

You may think that they are being disrespectful by not speaking English, but what you don’t understand is that their language is part of their culture. What you also don’t understand is that many of them are trying to learn. Learning a new language is not easy; how much of a foreign language can you speak? It is made even more difficult by those of you who frown upon these poor souls and turn a cold shoulder instead of helping them in a welcoming and loving manner.

For those of you who feel offended that people from other cultures seem not to try to fit into the traditional “American” mold, I say this:

Did America’s forefathers not hold on to the traditions they brought across the sea from England? Did they not establish new traditions and integrate them with their old ones to create with it a culture different from the one they left? You may believe that immigrants should fully assimilate but I argue that this would go against a core American belief: freedom. How can immigrants feel free when you wish to deny them the right to hold on to pieces of the culture with which they are familiar? How can they feel free when they are oppressed and disrespected by citizens of a country that promises something better? How can they feel free to be who they are when you persecute them for speaking in a tongue that you do not understand? They are at a great disadvantage and face many difficulties in pursuing the American dream because of the discrimination and stereotypes they face if they aren’t seen as “American” enough. It’s hard for them to feel as free as we do when they are faced with such incredible odds. Immigrants come to our country looking for freedom and a better life, just like America’s forefathers did. Their wants and desires are much like ours.

I personally feel that Coca Cola’s commercial really demonstrates the meaning of what it truly means to be American – being able to feel free to be true to oneself and being able to have the freedom to celebrate one’s own culture without fear of persecution. I believe diversity cultivates knowledge, and I hope that our country’s diversity can reach and educate those who have a limited understanding of others who are not like them. It is my hope that all Americans will approach each other with an open heart and view each other with an open mind and love each other as brothers and sisters who belong to the same great nation. The United States is known for being a mosaic of cultures and our diversity is something that has been treasured and celebrated. And that, my friends, is beautiful.

Proud of my mixed heritage :) Proud of my mixed heritage 🙂

The job search

As a college graduate, I felt intense anxiety about not being able to find a job that I enjoyed doing after graduation. I worried that I didn’t have the right experience for what I wanted to do and I worried about prospective employers not liking the resumes I had sent them. Luckily enough for me, this wasn’t all that I needed to secure the position I currently hold. Although my resume was important in catching my current employer’s eye, it was really the interview that landed me the job.

My boss knew going into the interview that I had no formal experience to bring into my current position. Despite this obvious disadvantage, I still felt a lot of positive energy and excitement about this job; it sounded like  a perfect fit for me – the perfect blend of customer service, hands-on work, and even the high likelihood of becoming a dog trainer in the future! And I would also be working around animals – what could be better? Not only that, but the organization seems like a great culture fit. The company I work for really takes care of their workers, and the well-being of people and animals is considered of utmost importance.

So how exactly did I get this job with no previous experience in a similar role or organization? It wasn’t about experience. I was hired because of my personality and eagerness to learn. I was hired because I let the excitement I felt about possibly working for the organization show in the interview.

So for any job-searching graduates out there, here’s some advice. Bring the passion. Bring the energy. This will help you stick out in your interviewer’s mind. And when you do get hired, your employer will certainly appreciate the positive energy you have to contribute. Good luck!

Book quote :)

“You had taught her, from the dawn of her intelligence, with your utmost energy and might, that there was such a thing as daylight, but that it was made to be her enemy and destroyer, and she must always turn against it.”

Dickens, Charles (2012-05-12). Great Expectations (p. 165).